“But I Don’t Want to Go!” A Parent’s Guide to the First Weeks of School

The first week of school is over—and for many young children, the excitement of a new school year is starting to give way to some big feelings.

Maybe your child is crying at drop-off, suddenly having more tantrums at home, saying they don't want to go to school, or coming home completely exhausted. These reactions are common, especially when a child is experiencing school for the first time. Starting school is a big transition, and adjustment doesn't happen overnight.

Here are a few simple things parents can do right now to help.

💛 Expect Some Big Feelings

Your child may hold it together all day at school and then fall apart the minute they get home. This doesn't necessarily mean school is going badly.

Home is often where children feel safest releasing the emotions they've been holding in.

Instead of asking, "Why are you acting like this?" try:

"It looks like today was a really big day. I'm here."

Connection first, problem-solving later.

🎒 Keep Afternoons Simple

The first few weeks of school can be exhausting. Your child is learning new routines, navigating social interactions, listening to directions, and managing a lot of stimulation.

Don't be surprised if your child needs more downtime than usual.

When possible, keep after-school activities and expectations manageable. A snack, some playtime, and a little quiet time may be exactly what they need.

👋 Keep Goodbyes Short and Confident

If your child is struggling at drop-off, a long goodbye can sometimes make separation harder.

Create a simple, predictable routine:

Hug → Supportive Statement → Say goodbye → Leave

Try:

"I love you. You are safe. Your teacher will take care of you. I'll see you after school."

Even if your child is crying, try to project confidence. Your calm presence communicates, "I know you can handle this."

🗣️ Ask Age-Appropriate Questions

Instead of asking the same question every day—"Did you have fun?"—try questions that are easier for a young child to answer:

• "What was something silly that happened today?"

• "Who did you sit next to?"

• "What was your favorite part of today?"

And remember: you don't have to get an answer every time. Some children need time before they're ready to talk.

🌱 Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Your child may still cry at drop-off next week. They may have a rough day after having several good ones. That's okay.

Adjustment isn't always a straight line.

Celebrate small victories:

"You were nervous, and you still walked into your classroom."

"You missed me today, and you were able to keep playing."

These messages teach children an important lesson: I can have big feelings and still do hard things.

When Should Parents Be Concerned?

Some anxiety and adjustment difficulties are expected during a major transition. However, if your child's distress is intense, getting worse, or continuing to significantly interfere with school, sleep, eating, friendships, or family life, it may be time to seek additional support.

Starting school is a big step—for children and parents alike. Give your child (and yourself) some grace during these first few weeks.

They don't have to love school YET. They just need time, support, and the opportunity to discover that they can handle it.

We support children and families navigating anxiety, transitions, emotional regulation, social challenges, and other concerns that can make the early school years difficult.